SCRE4M: Just stop. Please.

Here’s my latest review. The edited version is here, but there are some edits that, um, don’t work, so I’ve past my version here:

“Scream for them to stop”

Scream 4 (aka Scre4m)

Directed by Wes Craven
Written by Kevin Williamson
Starring Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette
Rated PG-13
At your local multiplex

I’ve never liked horror movies or slasher films. As a genre, they’re usually exploitative; they go for the basest emotions, the simplest reactions, using buckets of blood to gross you out, gratuitous sex to get a rise out of you, and the lamest of surprises to get you jump out of your seat. The villains are usually cartoonish boogey men in masks, actually scary only to children or people who haven’t discovered that the true terror is in the collapsing world economy, the security of former Soviet nuclear arms, or the popularity of torture porn like Saw. These movies are all id, and it’s rare to find in them any art, emotion, or lasting resonance. For every brilliantly terrifying movie like Psycho, 28 Days Later, or The Descent, there are five movies like Hostel, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Final Destination, and the never-ending string of their sequels.

That’s why the original Scream, now 15 years old, was such a breath of fresh air, or, rather, a whiff of fresh blood. Sure, it’s a high-body-count slasher film, but it’s also, and more importantly, a hilarious, almost high-brow commentary on slasher films. In his script, Kevin Williamson (gay and out) had his characters dissecting the misogynistic gender politics and silly genre conventions of movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street, which was directed by Scream’s director, Wes Craven. But Scream was more than a critique. Williamson and Craven refused to play to the audience’s expectations, and in doing so redefined and rebooted the genre.

Scream’s gender politics were progressive; the female heroes played by Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox weren’t virgins, they kicked ass, and they survived. The male hero, played by David Arquette, was a bumbling, nervous cop who often needed to be saved by a woman. Ghostface, the killer, was not an evil demon like Freddy or a violent halfwit like Jason; he was a smart, bitchy sociopath with a real grudge. While Williamson and Craven embraced some of the conventions of the genre – it was a slasher film, after all – you never knew which ones they’d keep and which they were going to turn on their head. That’s what made it so thrilling.

And that’s why Scream 4 isn’t thrilling. After two sequels that tried to do the same thing as the first film, to be witty and bloody at the same time, everything is expected. After Drew Barrymore’s star-remaking slaughter in the opening of the first film, quick and bloody cameos by famous actresses are predictable, and in 4, we have, uh, four: Aimee Teegarden, Shenae Grimes, Anna Paquin, and Kristen Bell. After seeing Campbell, Cox, and Arquette survive every massacre, you know they’ll survive this new Ghostface rampage. After three previous “And the killer is…!” revelations, you should see a pattern. Who’s the least expected? Oh, the killer, that’s who.

After Jamie Kennedy’s high geek monologues about the slasher genre in the original movie, you can only wait for the requisite film school commentary, this time coming from Erik Knudsen, Rory Culkin, and Hayden Panettiere. This time, they’re talking about reboots and sequels. But unlike in the first film, they aren’t merciless. If they were, they’d point out the desperation of reboots and sequels, that they’re done for the money. Neve Campbell hasn’t had a hit film since Scream 3 ten years ago, and while Courtney Cox is in a successful sitcom (Cougar Town), her soon-to-be-ex-husband David Arquette is hardly a sought-after commodity. Craven can sit on his laurels, but Williamson peaked at the same time as Campbell. The Scream franchise has become everything that was mocked in the first movie.

Someone’s been paying me to review movies again. W00t!

Okay, they’re not paying me very much, but still it’s enough to justify declaring myself self-employed and deducting from my taxes movie tickets, cable TV, and my Entertainment Weekly subscription. Among other things.

Anyway, I’ve muttered a few things here and there on the social media sites about this, but I haven’t — as promised — been posting on the Giddy Bib about it. So here it is: I’m the movie critic for LGBT Weekly, a new weekly news magazine for San Diego queer community run by Stampp Corbin. I’ve been doing it since January, and I now have enough reviews under my belt to apply for membership to the San Diego Film Critics Society. I’ve always wanted to be a member of one of those organizations that doles out year-end awards, and if I can get more folks caring about the Golden Teddy Awards, maybe I’ll get them written up on time. (BTW: I’m almost done with those. I hope I can finish before the last of the previous year’s awards, the Pulitzers, come out.)

So far, I’ve reviewed Somewhere (loved), The Green Hornet (meh), No String Attached (I laughed), The King’s Speech (yawn), The Roommate (awful), Cedar Rapids (hilarious), Kaboom (whatevs), Heartbeats (amazing), Jane Eyre (gorgeous),  Happythankyoumoreplease (inoffensive), Win Win (sigh), and Source Code (just fine). I’ve also been writing sidebars on DVDs to rent and movies to DVR.

This week, I reviewed the best movie I’ve seen this year that came out this year (since I saw a lot of movies that came out last year this year because of the whole released-for-Oscar-consideration thing). My published review of Hanna is here, but the last few paragraphs got cut for space (grrr!) so, I’m going to post my writer’s cut here:

Children can be badasses, too.

Hanna
Directed by Joe Wright
Written by Seth Lochhead and David Farr
Starring Saoirse Rowan, Cate Blanchett, and Eric Bana
Rated PG-13
At your local multiplex

About two-thirds of the way through Hanna, Marissa, the CIA agent hunting the film’s title character, says, “Sometimes children are bad people, too.”

You already know that Hanna isn’t bad, just badass – a 13-year-old superhuman fighting machine Marissa created and now wants to kill. You feel for the naïve Hanna and hate the sociopathic Marissa, but Cate Blanchett delivers Marissa’s line with such southern-accented smarm that you have to giggle while loathing her.

These juxtaposing emotions continue throughout watching Hanna. You’ll love Hanna’s naiveté and genius, but you’ll be shocked and scared by her violence. You’ll be thrilled by the fast-paced chase scenes and beautifully choreographed fights, but you’ll wish you could watch it all in slow motion because the cinematography, art direction and lighting are all so crazy beautiful. You’ll want Erik, Hanna’s father played by Eric Bana, to hurry it up and save his daughter or kill Marissa, but you’ll also want to him to stand still in wet underwear a little longer, because, damn, Eric Bana has a hot body.

Hanna, the best movie I’ve seen this year, is a big surprise. Joe Wright made his name directing two excellent period dramas, Pride & Prejudice and Atonement. Both are smart, beautiful literary adaptations about British domestic drama, so Wright is not the person probably anyone would think about first when looking for a director for a movie about a teenage super soldier on a mission to kill the woman who killed her mother after experimenting on her embryo. It turns out that Wright may be as versatile as fellow Englishman Danny Boyle, who transitions easily from epic to intimate, whose visual and sonic style Wright’s Hanna most closely resembles.

Wright’s bold and beautiful colors (reds, blues, whites and greens in particular), his unexpected camera angles, and a pulsing techno soundtrack from the Chemical Brothers all reminded me, at times, of Boyle’s work on Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire.

But Boyle never had Saoirse Ronan or Cate Blanchett to work with. Wright used the almost translucently pale Ronan with skill in Atonement; her character’s childish ignorance costs her sister everything, and Ronan was brilliantly believable as the jealous and confused girl.

In Hanna, Ronan is a full-fledged teenager. Hanna has until now been living in the woods with her father, and she knows nothing of music or television until she decides to go after Marissa. Hanna is growing up, discovering the violence of herself in the violence of the world, and discovering secrets, veering towards an early adulthood.

In order to do that, she must destroy the malicious woman who loomed over her childhood. She must kill Marissa, who is a combination of the Queen in Snow White and the Wolf in Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale symbolism is central to the film’s imagery, and Blanchett’s regal beauty and effortless, efficient communication of evil (with a dash of angst) make Marissa more than just an archetype. While the psychological damage that caused her evil is only hinted at, Blanchett makes the most of it, creating a character and a performance that makes me hope she’ll be cast as another villain sometime very soon.

Anyhoo, that’s that. Visit the site, link to my reviews, and comment on them. Yay.

Again, Never

This is the last scene of “Longtime Companion.” I’ve posted this on World AIDS Day before. Here it is, again. It’s a fantasy; it will never happen, of course, and it is only in the film to make you cry, to create a false catharsis that once recognized as a lie will make you very angry. And so, it is required watching. “AIDS is not over” is a cliche, but it’s repeated over and over because it’s true. People continue to die of AIDS everywhere, not just in countries where the government cannot afford to help pay for either HIV drugs or the needed healthcare infrastructure, but also in the United States, the richest country in the history of humanity, where the federal and several state governments believe it is perfectly fine to have more than 3,500 people on wait-lists for the drugs that they need to keep them alive. There is more than enough money to treat every person on the planet with HIV. However, there isn’t enough moral will to make it happen. That is what World AIDS Day means to me.

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxexUB-bYTg[/embedyt]

The 2009 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Movies

Most Excellence in Being Excellent

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUeYKwxTCGQ]An Education. I enjoyed this movie more than any other this year. It was a coming of age tale, but it was unlike any I’d ever seen before. It was about sex and literature, lies and honor, family and love. Carey Mulligan encapsulated all of that and more as the smitten 17-year-old, and Peter Saargard has never been better or sexier as her lothario. I didn’t want the movie to end (and I would have rewritten it). It’s nearly a perfect film.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8y2H8tcASA]District 9. Stellar sci-fi like “District 9” is rare. It’s a parable about our world — in this case, a weird mixture of Guantanamo, anti-immigration strife, and identity politics — that is not masked and undone by cynical Hollywood ploys, like stunt-casting, 3-D glasses, or loud and nonsensical special effects. The script is funny and profound and disturbing and perfectly structured, and the lead actor, Sharlto Copley was funny, cruel, desperate, pathetic, and heroic. And I bought it all.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo]The Fantastic Mr. Fox. What a weird, hilarious, prickly piece of art. It’s the only Raold Dahl adaptation that really does his bizarre and creepy writing justice. It’s certainly made a little more family friendly than Dahl’s writing is, but it’s still a true artistic vision. I think it’s Wes Anderson’s best movie, as much as I love Rushmore.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4QAjsbSdCQ]The Hurt Locker. You’ve never seen a war movie like this one. Intense, upsetting, unpredictable, horrifying, moving. As David Denby, who I normally loathe, wrote, it is a “classic of tension, fear, and bravery that will be studied twenty years from now.” Yep.

Most Excellence in Morally Challenged Filmmaking

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02OD8YnzzmE]Inglourious Basterds. Yeah, so Tarentino shredded and then collaged together the World War II film narrative, making a post-modern masterpiece. But in doing so, he shredded the morality of the World War II film narrative and collaged together an ultra-violent revenge tale that ends with Jews being just as cruel as the Nazis. And for some reason, people think this is the best movie of year. It is the best made, with the best dialogue, some of the best directed scenes, and it made people talk about it, if not always in a good way. But it themes are abhorrent to me. And immoral.

Most Excellence in Ignoring 30 Years of Discussions on Race and Representation

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJarz7BYnHA][youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLzKwTcGO_0]Avatar. Oh, James Cameron. He made a very pretty, very loud, technically interesting movie with a plot so banal as to be almost offensive: Dance With Wolves meets Fern Gully. But no, it actually was offensive. The blue noble savages were Lakota/Aborigines/Masai/Papuans-wannabes created from racist tropes older than them thar hills that have been critiqued by activists and academics for 40 years. Cameron uses pyschosocial research to create his plots — to make sure they stick like Titanic or Star Wars did — and must have known that he was doing something very, very problematic, but he also knew that tropes, particularly racist ones, work. And he just had to make a billion dollars, so racism be damned when money and Oscars are involved. One of the best things written on this is “When Will White People Stop Making Movies like ‘Avatar.’” And then there is the review to the left, which is hilarious.

Most Excellence in Twee

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MSVaOfZcnU]Up. It was adorable, moving, wildly imaginative, funny-in-a-cute-inoffensive-way, and the best Pixar film since Finding Nemo. I laughed, I cried, but it wasn’t better than The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Most Excellence in Emotional Manipulation

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Ovkye6lac]Invictus. How did Clint Eastwood make me feel patriotic? For a country I’ve never been to? Named South Africa? But somehow he did it with his classical perfection, Morgan Freeman’s genius imitation, and working with a historical revisionist script. Mandela was not a saint, but his filmic doppelganger certainly made me cheer for South African rugby players. It helped that they were hot. Matt Damn with muscles — yay!

Most Excellence in Freaking the Hell Out of Me

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-PqqifyjA]Where the Wild Things Are. What a disturbing film. Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze took a sweet picture book about little boys and cutesy monsters and created a morality tale about savage desire. As a friend of mine said, “It’s about how your best friend could kill you at any moment.” No wonder parents were outraged that first weekend it came out. It’s a work of genius, but it is not fun and not a children’s movie. At all.

Most Excellence in Anti-Capitalism Propaganda

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m-Da8Tz4_E]Up in the Air. I loved the The Informant! — especially Matt Damon’s brilliantly absurd performance — but it wasn’t really about anything, even though it is a story about a multinational corporate crime. Up in Air is about the moral failure of big business, MBA culture, and excellence for excellence’s sake. And its done through two amazing characters studies — George Clooney’s Ryan Bingham and Anna Kendrick’s Natalie Keener. It’s funny and moving and perfectly made, but it is also a bit obvious. Yeah, American capitalism sucks and it makes people sad. Dur.

Most Excellence in Anti-War Propaganda

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MEApxjYncI]The Messenger. This is probably the best possible movie that could be made about two men who inform next of kin that a relative has been killed in the line of duty. It’s gut-wrenching and naturalistic, and it’s excellent, and if you want to join the Army after seeing it, you should be locked up. (The Hurt Locker is too complex to be simply an anti-war movie.) Woody Harrelson is fantastic, as always, but so is the amazingly intense Ben Foster, who has been snubbed by the Oscars two years in a row now.

Most Excellence in Poverty Porn

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5FYahzVU44]Precious. I twittered “relentless” while watching this Dickensian nightmare. If any movie makes you thank your lucky stars, this is the one. After anything remotely good happens to Precious, something appallingly awful happens immediately. It’s the cruelest narrative I’ve encountered in a long time. Playing the most evil mother since Mommie Dearest, Mo’Nique is amazing — particularly in the second-to-last scene of the film — and Lee Daniels did some wonderful direction, but it is truly pornographic.

My Most Excellent Oscar Pics

Best Picture

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker
  • Snubbed: Invictus and The Messenger. How The Blind Side got nominated…

Best Actress

  • Will win: Sandra Bullock
  • Should win: Carey Mulligan
  • Snubbed: I can’t think of anyone.

Best Actor

  • Will win: Jeff Bridges
  • Should win: Jeff Bridges, though I haven’t seen Crazy Heart. (Doh.)
  • Snubbed: Sharlto Copley for District 9 and Matt Damon for The Informant!

Best Supporting Actress

  • Will win: Mo’Nique
  • Should win: Mo’Nique
  • Snubbed: Julianne Moore. I mean, really.

Best Supporting Actor

  • Will win: Christoph Waltz
  • Should win: Woody Harrelson
  • Snubbed: Stanley Tucci for Julie & Julia. He was nominated for the wrong movie.

Best Director

  • Will win: Katherine Bigelow
  • Should win: Katherine Bigelow
  • Snubbed: Neill Blomkamp

Best Original Screenplay

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker
  • Snubbed: I dunno.

Best Adapted Screenplay

  • Will win: Up in the Air
  • Should win: District 9
  • Snubbed: The Fantastic Mr. Fox

Best Animated Film

  • Will win: Up
  • Should win: The Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Snubbed: Some people will say Ponyo, I’m sure.

Best Documentary

  • Will win: The Cove
  • Should win: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
  • Snubbed: Capitalism: A Love Story

Best Foreign Language Film

  • Will win: The White Ribbon
  • Should win: Again: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
  • Snubbed: Broken Embraces

Best Editing

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Cinematography

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker or The White Ribbon (based only on the trailer).

Best Art Direction

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar
  • Snubbed: A Single Man. I mean, really. It’s was about art direction.

Best Costume Design

  • Will win: Coco Before Chanel
  • Should win: Coco Before Chanel. It’s a movie about a fashion designer, after all.
  • Snubbed: A Single Man. Bizarre. However, I did hate that angora sweater…

Best Makeup

  • Will win: The Young Victoria
  • Should win: Star Trek

Best Visual Effects

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar

Best Sound Editing

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Sound Mixing

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar

Best Music, Original Song

  • Will win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
  • Should win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
  • Snubbed: “9000 Days,” Invictus

Best Music, Original Score

  • Will win: Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders, The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: Alexandre Desplat, The Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Snubbed: Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant!. Genius. As opposed to James Horner’s Hackery.

Really, do you care about the short films?

The 2008 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Film

Update appended.

And the winners are…!

Most Excellent “I’m SO CrAzY!” Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpNtde_owk4 350 200]

Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight.” There is truly awful “I’m SO CrAzY!” acting, such as Brad Pitt in “12 Monkeys” or Robin Williams in “The Fisher King” showing off a bunch of mannered ticks, and then there is truly great “I’m SO CrAzY!” acting. Not since Anthony Hopkins in “The Silence of the Lambs” has someone done sociopathic so well — so creepy, so deep, so funny, and so captivating.

Most Excellent “I’m so sad and depressed…” Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uycf4sEOHbY]

Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married.” This movie bugged hard. It was preposterously plotted and every single character was awful, with the exception of Mather Zickel’s Kieran, Hathaway’s underwritten love interest. I wanted the movie to end about 45 minutes earlier than it did; it was annoying and boring. I guess Hathaway’s performance shows a great deal of versatility. She laughs, she cries, she pouts, she gets into a fist fight. But she’s ACTING. I wanted to slap her.

Most Excellent When Shirtless.

Hugh Jackman in “Australia.” Just watch this clip; you’ll get what I’m saying.

Most Excellent First Half of a Movie.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UblUO0LjPUg]

“Wall-E.” The first 45 minutes is more or less a silent film; it’s genius — moving, beautiful, hilarious. The moment the robot ends up on the intergalactic Ark, the movie becomes obvious political commentary about Saving the Environment. And that part is kind of annoying.
Most Excellent Rewrite of Source Material to Fit Our Current War.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhgzIM-9lfA]

“Iron Man.” In the original comic book, Tony Stark is kidnapped by the Vietcong and forced to make a weapon. In this movie, it’s some sort of a Al-Qaeda wannabe group. The best part is that Stark is given an Middle Eastern buddy / assistant / doctor that diffuses the otherwise problematic racist overtones. No such Vietnamese sidekick existed back in the 1960s version. Yay for progress.

Most Excellent “You’re doing WHAT?!” Acting. Tie!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e7XLioq58k]

Tom Cruise in “Tropic Thunder.” His three scenes are shocking, not just because it’s Cruise but because his character is so shocking. Usually when Cruise pulls a WTF?! moment, it seems to me as if he’s just a sight-gag. This was more. Though, yeah, he is kind of sight-gag. And oddly hot.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XHsmRVYU-A]

Robert Downey, Jr. in “Tropic Thunder.” Just plain genius. I don’t know how they pulled off his make-up, but Downey pulled off the character by being a brilliant actor. I mean, really. He’s that good. He should win an Oscar.

Most Excellent Reason to Blacklist a Casting Director.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCaZz2UMml0]

Pierce Brosnan in “Mama Mia!” What were they thinking? The last 15 seconds of this clip … they’re just painful. Oh, my ears.

Most Excellent Gimmick-less Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW0lQrWn5VI]

Sean Penn in “Milk.” He certainly looks a lot like Harvey Milk, but not that much. And he certainly sounds a lot like Milk, but not that much. This is a not a simple imitation, like Jamie Foxx in “Ray” (as good as that was). Penn creates a character who is more than Milk; he is a gay Everyman, a Norma Rae for the Gays. He’s also funny, sexy, and flawed. Obviously, Penn’s Milk wouldn’t exist without Dustin Lance Black’s amazing script, which is based on mostly new research.

Most Excellent Gimmick-less Film.

“Milk.” It’s the gay “Gandhi,” except it’s not too long and not boring. And unlike it’s documentary predecessor, it leave you uplifted, not completely depressed. The movie is nearly perfect.

Most Excellent Gimmicky Film

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L6K3fkwr-Y]

I feared that “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” would be “Forrest Gump” with a darker palette and prettier people, but it was instead a deeply felt, deeply affecting meditation on death, aging, and fate. Like all David Fincher films, every shot was stunningly gorgeous. But it seems that Fincher has allowed his visual and technical virtuosity to serve the story, not his ego (unlike, I feel, he did in “Fight Club”). In his blankness and naivete, Brad Pitt was perfect. As Variety wrote, “Benjamin is a reactor, not a perpetrator, and Pitt inhabits the role genially, gently and sympathetically.” Cate Blanchett, playing a much more complex character, actually goes through more emotional transformations than Pitt does physical. As always, she’s amazing, and I don’t think she’s ever been better.

Most Excellent Trailer for a Movie That Doesn’t Exist and Probably Won’t.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb50GMmY5nk]

“Thundercats,” starring Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel, and Hugh Jackman. I mean, really. This is was obviously created by a future Oscar for Best Editing.

Most Excellent Movies That I Didn’t See Either Because I Couldn’t Be Bothered Or Because I Live in San Diego Where the Movies Will Never Open or Will Open Next Year.

Tie! Slumdog Millionaire, Doubt, Frozen River, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Quantum of Solace, Waltz with Bashir, Happy-Go-Lucky, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Frost/Nixon, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, The Wrestler, Changeling, and Gran Torino. Yeah. So in other words, I based 2008’s Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Film on, like, 10 movies. Ha. Suckerz.

Tomorrow: The 2008 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Books!