The 2009 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Movies

Most Excellence in Being Excellent

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUeYKwxTCGQ]An Education. I enjoyed this movie more than any other this year. It was a coming of age tale, but it was unlike any I’d ever seen before. It was about sex and literature, lies and honor, family and love. Carey Mulligan encapsulated all of that and more as the smitten 17-year-old, and Peter Saargard has never been better or sexier as her lothario. I didn’t want the movie to end (and I would have rewritten it). It’s nearly a perfect film.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8y2H8tcASA]District 9. Stellar sci-fi like “District 9” is rare. It’s a parable about our world — in this case, a weird mixture of Guantanamo, anti-immigration strife, and identity politics — that is not masked and undone by cynical Hollywood ploys, like stunt-casting, 3-D glasses, or loud and nonsensical special effects. The script is funny and profound and disturbing and perfectly structured, and the lead actor, Sharlto Copley was funny, cruel, desperate, pathetic, and heroic. And I bought it all.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo]The Fantastic Mr. Fox. What a weird, hilarious, prickly piece of art. It’s the only Raold Dahl adaptation that really does his bizarre and creepy writing justice. It’s certainly made a little more family friendly than Dahl’s writing is, but it’s still a true artistic vision. I think it’s Wes Anderson’s best movie, as much as I love Rushmore.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4QAjsbSdCQ]The Hurt Locker. You’ve never seen a war movie like this one. Intense, upsetting, unpredictable, horrifying, moving. As David Denby, who I normally loathe, wrote, it is a “classic of tension, fear, and bravery that will be studied twenty years from now.” Yep.

Most Excellence in Morally Challenged Filmmaking

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02OD8YnzzmE]Inglourious Basterds. Yeah, so Tarentino shredded and then collaged together the World War II film narrative, making a post-modern masterpiece. But in doing so, he shredded the morality of the World War II film narrative and collaged together an ultra-violent revenge tale that ends with Jews being just as cruel as the Nazis. And for some reason, people think this is the best movie of year. It is the best made, with the best dialogue, some of the best directed scenes, and it made people talk about it, if not always in a good way. But it themes are abhorrent to me. And immoral.

Most Excellence in Ignoring 30 Years of Discussions on Race and Representation

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJarz7BYnHA][youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLzKwTcGO_0]Avatar. Oh, James Cameron. He made a very pretty, very loud, technically interesting movie with a plot so banal as to be almost offensive: Dance With Wolves meets Fern Gully. But no, it actually was offensive. The blue noble savages were Lakota/Aborigines/Masai/Papuans-wannabes created from racist tropes older than them thar hills that have been critiqued by activists and academics for 40 years. Cameron uses pyschosocial research to create his plots — to make sure they stick like Titanic or Star Wars did — and must have known that he was doing something very, very problematic, but he also knew that tropes, particularly racist ones, work. And he just had to make a billion dollars, so racism be damned when money and Oscars are involved. One of the best things written on this is “When Will White People Stop Making Movies like ‘Avatar.’” And then there is the review to the left, which is hilarious.

Most Excellence in Twee

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MSVaOfZcnU]Up. It was adorable, moving, wildly imaginative, funny-in-a-cute-inoffensive-way, and the best Pixar film since Finding Nemo. I laughed, I cried, but it wasn’t better than The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Most Excellence in Emotional Manipulation

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9Ovkye6lac]Invictus. How did Clint Eastwood make me feel patriotic? For a country I’ve never been to? Named South Africa? But somehow he did it with his classical perfection, Morgan Freeman’s genius imitation, and working with a historical revisionist script. Mandela was not a saint, but his filmic doppelganger certainly made me cheer for South African rugby players. It helped that they were hot. Matt Damn with muscles — yay!

Most Excellence in Freaking the Hell Out of Me

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-PqqifyjA]Where the Wild Things Are. What a disturbing film. Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze took a sweet picture book about little boys and cutesy monsters and created a morality tale about savage desire. As a friend of mine said, “It’s about how your best friend could kill you at any moment.” No wonder parents were outraged that first weekend it came out. It’s a work of genius, but it is not fun and not a children’s movie. At all.

Most Excellence in Anti-Capitalism Propaganda

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m-Da8Tz4_E]Up in the Air. I loved the The Informant! — especially Matt Damon’s brilliantly absurd performance — but it wasn’t really about anything, even though it is a story about a multinational corporate crime. Up in Air is about the moral failure of big business, MBA culture, and excellence for excellence’s sake. And its done through two amazing characters studies — George Clooney’s Ryan Bingham and Anna Kendrick’s Natalie Keener. It’s funny and moving and perfectly made, but it is also a bit obvious. Yeah, American capitalism sucks and it makes people sad. Dur.

Most Excellence in Anti-War Propaganda

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MEApxjYncI]The Messenger. This is probably the best possible movie that could be made about two men who inform next of kin that a relative has been killed in the line of duty. It’s gut-wrenching and naturalistic, and it’s excellent, and if you want to join the Army after seeing it, you should be locked up. (The Hurt Locker is too complex to be simply an anti-war movie.) Woody Harrelson is fantastic, as always, but so is the amazingly intense Ben Foster, who has been snubbed by the Oscars two years in a row now.

Most Excellence in Poverty Porn

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5FYahzVU44]Precious. I twittered “relentless” while watching this Dickensian nightmare. If any movie makes you thank your lucky stars, this is the one. After anything remotely good happens to Precious, something appallingly awful happens immediately. It’s the cruelest narrative I’ve encountered in a long time. Playing the most evil mother since Mommie Dearest, Mo’Nique is amazing — particularly in the second-to-last scene of the film — and Lee Daniels did some wonderful direction, but it is truly pornographic.

My Most Excellent Oscar Pics

Best Picture

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker
  • Snubbed: Invictus and The Messenger. How The Blind Side got nominated…

Best Actress

  • Will win: Sandra Bullock
  • Should win: Carey Mulligan
  • Snubbed: I can’t think of anyone.

Best Actor

  • Will win: Jeff Bridges
  • Should win: Jeff Bridges, though I haven’t seen Crazy Heart. (Doh.)
  • Snubbed: Sharlto Copley for District 9 and Matt Damon for The Informant!

Best Supporting Actress

  • Will win: Mo’Nique
  • Should win: Mo’Nique
  • Snubbed: Julianne Moore. I mean, really.

Best Supporting Actor

  • Will win: Christoph Waltz
  • Should win: Woody Harrelson
  • Snubbed: Stanley Tucci for Julie & Julia. He was nominated for the wrong movie.

Best Director

  • Will win: Katherine Bigelow
  • Should win: Katherine Bigelow
  • Snubbed: Neill Blomkamp

Best Original Screenplay

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker
  • Snubbed: I dunno.

Best Adapted Screenplay

  • Will win: Up in the Air
  • Should win: District 9
  • Snubbed: The Fantastic Mr. Fox

Best Animated Film

  • Will win: Up
  • Should win: The Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Snubbed: Some people will say Ponyo, I’m sure.

Best Documentary

  • Will win: The Cove
  • Should win: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
  • Snubbed: Capitalism: A Love Story

Best Foreign Language Film

  • Will win: The White Ribbon
  • Should win: Again: I don’t know. I’d have to see them. (Doh)
  • Snubbed: Broken Embraces

Best Editing

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Cinematography

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker or The White Ribbon (based only on the trailer).

Best Art Direction

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar
  • Snubbed: A Single Man. I mean, really. It’s was about art direction.

Best Costume Design

  • Will win: Coco Before Chanel
  • Should win: Coco Before Chanel. It’s a movie about a fashion designer, after all.
  • Snubbed: A Single Man. Bizarre. However, I did hate that angora sweater…

Best Makeup

  • Will win: The Young Victoria
  • Should win: Star Trek

Best Visual Effects

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar

Best Sound Editing

  • Will win: The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: The Hurt Locker

Best Sound Mixing

  • Will win: Avatar
  • Should win: Avatar

Best Music, Original Song

  • Will win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
  • Should win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
  • Snubbed: “9000 Days,” Invictus

Best Music, Original Score

  • Will win: Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders, The Hurt Locker
  • Should win: Alexandre Desplat, The Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Snubbed: Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant!. Genius. As opposed to James Horner’s Hackery.

Really, do you care about the short films?

The 2008 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Film

Update appended.

And the winners are…!

Most Excellent “I’m SO CrAzY!” Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpNtde_owk4 350 200]

Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight.” There is truly awful “I’m SO CrAzY!” acting, such as Brad Pitt in “12 Monkeys” or Robin Williams in “The Fisher King” showing off a bunch of mannered ticks, and then there is truly great “I’m SO CrAzY!” acting. Not since Anthony Hopkins in “The Silence of the Lambs” has someone done sociopathic so well — so creepy, so deep, so funny, and so captivating.

Most Excellent “I’m so sad and depressed…” Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uycf4sEOHbY]

Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married.” This movie bugged hard. It was preposterously plotted and every single character was awful, with the exception of Mather Zickel’s Kieran, Hathaway’s underwritten love interest. I wanted the movie to end about 45 minutes earlier than it did; it was annoying and boring. I guess Hathaway’s performance shows a great deal of versatility. She laughs, she cries, she pouts, she gets into a fist fight. But she’s ACTING. I wanted to slap her.

Most Excellent When Shirtless.

Hugh Jackman in “Australia.” Just watch this clip; you’ll get what I’m saying.

Most Excellent First Half of a Movie.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UblUO0LjPUg]

“Wall-E.” The first 45 minutes is more or less a silent film; it’s genius — moving, beautiful, hilarious. The moment the robot ends up on the intergalactic Ark, the movie becomes obvious political commentary about Saving the Environment. And that part is kind of annoying.
Most Excellent Rewrite of Source Material to Fit Our Current War.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhgzIM-9lfA]

“Iron Man.” In the original comic book, Tony Stark is kidnapped by the Vietcong and forced to make a weapon. In this movie, it’s some sort of a Al-Qaeda wannabe group. The best part is that Stark is given an Middle Eastern buddy / assistant / doctor that diffuses the otherwise problematic racist overtones. No such Vietnamese sidekick existed back in the 1960s version. Yay for progress.

Most Excellent “You’re doing WHAT?!” Acting. Tie!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e7XLioq58k]

Tom Cruise in “Tropic Thunder.” His three scenes are shocking, not just because it’s Cruise but because his character is so shocking. Usually when Cruise pulls a WTF?! moment, it seems to me as if he’s just a sight-gag. This was more. Though, yeah, he is kind of sight-gag. And oddly hot.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XHsmRVYU-A]

Robert Downey, Jr. in “Tropic Thunder.” Just plain genius. I don’t know how they pulled off his make-up, but Downey pulled off the character by being a brilliant actor. I mean, really. He’s that good. He should win an Oscar.

Most Excellent Reason to Blacklist a Casting Director.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCaZz2UMml0]

Pierce Brosnan in “Mama Mia!” What were they thinking? The last 15 seconds of this clip … they’re just painful. Oh, my ears.

Most Excellent Gimmick-less Acting.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW0lQrWn5VI]

Sean Penn in “Milk.” He certainly looks a lot like Harvey Milk, but not that much. And he certainly sounds a lot like Milk, but not that much. This is a not a simple imitation, like Jamie Foxx in “Ray” (as good as that was). Penn creates a character who is more than Milk; he is a gay Everyman, a Norma Rae for the Gays. He’s also funny, sexy, and flawed. Obviously, Penn’s Milk wouldn’t exist without Dustin Lance Black’s amazing script, which is based on mostly new research.

Most Excellent Gimmick-less Film.

“Milk.” It’s the gay “Gandhi,” except it’s not too long and not boring. And unlike it’s documentary predecessor, it leave you uplifted, not completely depressed. The movie is nearly perfect.

Most Excellent Gimmicky Film

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L6K3fkwr-Y]

I feared that “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” would be “Forrest Gump” with a darker palette and prettier people, but it was instead a deeply felt, deeply affecting meditation on death, aging, and fate. Like all David Fincher films, every shot was stunningly gorgeous. But it seems that Fincher has allowed his visual and technical virtuosity to serve the story, not his ego (unlike, I feel, he did in “Fight Club”). In his blankness and naivete, Brad Pitt was perfect. As Variety wrote, “Benjamin is a reactor, not a perpetrator, and Pitt inhabits the role genially, gently and sympathetically.” Cate Blanchett, playing a much more complex character, actually goes through more emotional transformations than Pitt does physical. As always, she’s amazing, and I don’t think she’s ever been better.

Most Excellent Trailer for a Movie That Doesn’t Exist and Probably Won’t.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb50GMmY5nk]

“Thundercats,” starring Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel, and Hugh Jackman. I mean, really. This is was obviously created by a future Oscar for Best Editing.

Most Excellent Movies That I Didn’t See Either Because I Couldn’t Be Bothered Or Because I Live in San Diego Where the Movies Will Never Open or Will Open Next Year.

Tie! Slumdog Millionaire, Doubt, Frozen River, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Quantum of Solace, Waltz with Bashir, Happy-Go-Lucky, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Frost/Nixon, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, The Wrestler, Changeling, and Gran Torino. Yeah. So in other words, I based 2008’s Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Film on, like, 10 movies. Ha. Suckerz.

Tomorrow: The 2008 Golden Teddy Awards for Most Excellence in Books!

“Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted.”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMqlaezGJP0]At last! I finally saw “Southland Tales,” Richard Kelly’s much-maligned, barely released, long-awaited follow-up to “Donnie Darko” (which is one of my favorite movies ever). I had been a bit desperate to see the movie, but, alas, it wasn’t even released in San Diego during the week or so that 18 theaters were allowed to show it. So, I spent a weekend or two back in December trying to BitTorrent pirated versions, hoping someone had stuck an Academy screener DVD on the Interweb. But, alas, all that was available was a pretty shitty shot-in-the-theater-with-a-handicam version. (I guess there weren’t any Academy screeners. Natch.) Still, I downloaded it. And watched about 15 minutes. And I couldn’t stand how bad the video quality was. It was like watching a 20-year-old VHS tape during an earthquake. So, I chucked the file and waited. I was wasting some time (procrastinating like a mo-fo) on Netflix, and I saw that the DVD was coming out on the 18th. I had it in my mailbox on the 19th. How many ways I can say that I love Netflix? Anyhoo, after I finally finished writing my first qual paper (Woohoo! And more on that later…) I set about to watch the film that made all of $227,365 and Richard Roeper called “one of the most confusing, ridiculous, pretentious and disastrous cinematic train wrecks I’ve ever seen.” (For more critics trying to out-nasty each other, check out the Rotten Tomatoes site here.)

I think this would be a perfect moment to cite, in a Fisk-y but not really Fisk-y way, the wonderful essay by Joe Queenen in last week’s Guardian about what really makes a truly terrible movie:

To qualify as one of the worst films of all time, several strict requirements must be met.

Agreed. Too many people will simply state, as Queenen complains, that such-and-such is one of the all-time worst movies without thinking deeply about what really makes some awful.

For starters, a truly awful movie must have started out with some expectation of not being awful. That is why making a horrific, cheapo motion picture that stars Hilton or Jessica Simpson is not really much of an accomplishment. Did anyone seriously expect a film called The Hottie and The Nottie not to suck?

Totes! That’s why, say, “Bad Love,” a Jenny McCarthy vehicle for Chrissake, which scored all those Razzies a couple years ago, doesn’t count for me. Neither, really, does “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer,” which was God-awful, but I don’t think anyone expected it to be any much better than the first movie, which was pretty near-God-awful. But, yes, after making “Donnie Darko,” Richard Kelly was expected to make another truly great film. He had a cast of thousands, and he had a lot of money, and he had heaps and heaps of ambition. It seems as if he wanted to make something like a cross between “Nashville” and “Dr. Strangelove,” which is pretty ambitious.
Continue…

What I’ve been doing besides blogging, Part 6: Seeing movies that don’t suck!

We’ve been really, really good this year about seeing the good movies when they come out and not waiting until the day before the Oscars to see stuff. And this year has been good for movies. In the last six weeks, here’s what I’ve seen:

  • Bitchin'.Rob and I saw “Juno,” the near-perfect, feministy counterpart to “Knocked Up,” a few days after it finally opened here. I liked it more than Rob did, but I really, really liked it. Ellen Page is, as A. O. Scott wrote, terrifyingly talented. She’ll be nominated for an Oscar, and the screenwriter, Diablo Cody, will win an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Because the movie is all about the script and the direction, neither of which cover up the deep, moving emotional core with too much hipster irony. Though there is some hipster irony: The Moldy Peaches are all over the soundtrack. It’s the funniest, sweetest movie I’ve seen in a long time. I cried at the end.
  • You just know what he's thinking, and it begins with the letter C...Atonement is one my favorite books; when I read it two years ago, I was devastated by the ending, bursting into tears in the living room and flummoxing Rob. It’s a beautiful, enveloping, and shocking book, and it’s nearly unadaptable. I say “nearly,” because it almost all ways, the film version is wonderful–gorgeously directed, designed, written, and acted. It’s also very moving, but the ending doesn’t work at all, because the film, unlike the novel, is not told in the voice of the person who makes the ending so astonishing. The director, Joe Wright, managed some visuals in the last few minutes that almost make up for the lack of aesthetic power that the filmed ending has, but not quite. Still, it’s an excellent film.
  • I haven’t seen “Sweeney Todd” and “There Will Be Blood,” so I can’t say this for sure, but “No Country For Old Men” is, so far, probably the best movie of 2007. Okay, no. It’s definitely the best movie I saw in 2007. We don’t get all sorts of things here, in the sticks. Still, it was one of the movie-going experiences that leave you in awe of what can be accomplished with the medium. It’s actually better than “Fargo,” which is my favorite movie, and it gives us Anton Chigrh, who is now one of the greatest film characters ever. Violent and bloody, philosophical and ironic, gorgeous and ugly, haunting and mysterious, and funny, funny, funny, the movie still sits with me, weeks after I saw it. Actually, it’s so layer with symbolism and throw-away-but-actually-important lines that I really need to see it again. Wow.
  • No, really. I just want to use the bathroom.His Dark Materials, the trilogy of which The Golden Compass is the first part, is, like Atonement, one of my favorite works of literature. I read it the same year that I discovered Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell; it was the year I discovered that fantasy could be literary and magical and fun and not totally grating like C. S. Lewis books. And while the filmed version of The Golden Compass is totally defanged–every bit of social and political commentary about the Catholic Church has been removed–it’s still gorgeous and fun and as perfectly cast as the filmed version of Atonement. And the litter furry daemons are so frickin’ adorable! I had a good time. It would have been nice if it had been better, though.
  • By no means is “Michael Clayton” the towering work of cinematic art that a bunch of early reviews made it out to be, but it’s a damn fine thriller, with George Clooney justifying his he-got-fat-and-died Oscar in the otherwise mediocre “Syriana.” Tilda Swinton, continuing in her streak of brilliant antagonists, made the movie for me, because her evil was not mired in sociopathology, but rather in shortsighted, irresponsible ambition. I didn’t like the corporate crime that the plot hinged on, though, because it seemed almost James Bond-ishly silly. And Tom Wilkinson was over the top. But some scenes, like the one in the still here, were just brilliant. A really fun movie.
  • When I first started putting this list together, I liked “The Darjeeling Limited” more than I do now. It’s very pretty, and there were some funny moments, but it’s late 90s twee irony thing is getting really, really old now. And Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman really bug. Hard. The only actor in the movie that seems to be actually acting–instead of hamming–is the always amazing Adrian Brody, who, I think, decided to be in another movie and ignore whatever “acting” advice was being thrown at him. Because I actually cared about him. While I wanted everyone else in the movie to drown in the river with that little boy.
  • Okay, this movie is called “Beowulf,” but it has almost nothing to do with the Anglo-Saxon epic of the same name. Well, it does in the first third, and then all hell breaks loose with the story. But I had a blast nonetheless. It was thoroughly exciting, and it was funny, too. And the huge fight with Grendel at the beginning was totally redunculous because Beowulf was bucknaked, and hottt, and his peepee was covered up by the most strategically places props ever. Fun times.
  • Back when I was a publishing monkey, I worked for Dennis Lehane’s agent, and it was during a very exciting time in his career–the whole Mystic River era. Towards the end of my time at the office, one of his older novels, Gone Baby Gone, which had been bouncing around Hollywood for a while was bought–not optioned, bought–by Disney and Ben Affleck. Affleck was going to write and direct, and I, for one, was worried. This is the guy who had just made “Gigli.” And “Daredevil.” And “Surviving Christmas.” And “Jersey Girl.” He hadn’t been in anything remotely good since “Bounce,” and that’s only an arguably good movie. Really, he hadn’t done anything to be proud of since “Good Will Hunting,” and more than a few people were willing to say publicly that they didn’t think Ben and Matt actually wrote that script. And then someone–an agent, his new wife, God, who knows–said something to Ben, and he made a major shift. He made “Hollywoodland,” which was a fine movie with an amazing performance from Ben that should have gotten him an Oscar nomination and did get him on the Golden Globes. And then he made “Gone Baby Gone,” and it was good. Really, really good. Sure, it has some problems, mostly involving Morgan Freeman sleeping his way through his rather key role. (Monohla Dargis digs into the rest in her unusually smart review.) But Ben’s little brother Casey, who is the lead, is a revelation, as is Amy Ryan, and even Ed Harris is good, though a bit over-the-top, per usual. And the tone of the film is dark, seemy, gut-wrenching, and mired in the clannishness of Boston’s Southie. Ben really directed this movie. And it’s pretty great. Yay for Ben. And, yeah, yay for Dennis. Another great movie. The next movie based on one of his books is going to star Leo Dicaprio and be directed by Martin Scorcese.

There are two things in the world I can’t abide: it’s heat and heathens.

Last night, Rob and I watched the 1978 Agatha Christie film “Death on the Nile,” which is a camp masterpiece. Okay, maybe not a masterpiece, but it’s pretty hilarious in that British costume drama way. Angela Lansbury as a drunk romance novelist! Mia Farrow as loon! David Niven as Peter Ustinov’s sidekick! And Maggie Smith as Bette Davis’s dykey maid, who responds to her boss’ suggestion that they take a trip down the Nile with: “There is nothing I would dislike more. There are two things in the world I can’t abide: it’s heat and heathens.” And that’s why I have a new tagline. Hee.