I ended up seeing Epic because I couldn’t abide seeing the other two movies that opened Memorial Day, Fast & Furious 6 and The Hangover, Part 3. I didn’t bother with Fast & Furious 6 because I didn’t see the previous four, and I was worried that I’d be confused. I’m kidding, of course; I’m pretty sure it was going to be the same movie, except louder and flashier, and still without the much needed explicit sex scene between Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. After the jaw-dropping offensiveness of The Hangover, Part 2, there was no way that I was going to see Todd Phillips insult heterosexual men, homosexual men, anyone with race consciousness, or anyone with a sense of humor again, even if my boo Zach Galifianakis was in it. So, I ended up at Hollywood’s counter-programming for the weekend, the animated children’s adventure Epic, which is a strange mash-up of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, A Bugs Life, and The Lord of the Rings, without being a tiny fraction as good as any of them. In hindsight, I wish I’d stayed home and binged on Netflix. Or just slept in. Continue…